Dear Sir: To whom it may concern;
Reference: Water Lilly
Should you choose to read about my private affairs,
These are not my secret rhymes these are my lonesome prayers.
The first cut was deeper than this wound you slash across my nape,
Now I do bleed within this fire – though I may bleed in muted rage,
Oh how I do wish this bloody ambush would burn me into an early grave,
For when this passion lit up my loins, my soul, my nights, my days,
You remained untouched by music that set my life ablaze.
And since I’ve scoured the earth and seen a thing more than 10×2,
I vouchsafe Sir, to teach you more about the world that’s left me blue,
Though you may insist you know me better – but I may never know you,
But I vouchsafe Sir, I know myself better than you may never know who.
So read on dear Sir, should you dare to read what I deem to be the truth…
Whilst blasphemy – my biggest sin – transformed me into a saint,
Through heresy I lost my religion – which gave me back my faith.
T’was then that I declared all of my mistakes – confessed my disgrace,
T’was then I fell upon my knees – began to weep and pray;
“My dear Lord, if this is what you do desire, then I do except it as my fate!”
Whilst all the while – you dear Sir- you did avert your gaze,
Lay by the pond – looked upon yourself – became amazed,
You cried out to the water “Do not despise me in this way,
For I am the only lonely one, whom they all do love in vain!”
Without recognizing this picture of perfection…
Why, you did fall in love with your own reflection,
And ever since, you have become a Water Lilly of self obsession,
I am but your echo or else silent in any other kind of expression,
Yes, I am the master (not of myself) but of my own self destruction,
I have become nothing more than the repercussion of your addiction.
And in my yearning only I know who I am and who I am alone,
For ‘We’ are Two who come as One, but ‘You’ and ‘I’ are on our own,
Though I used to live all by myself before you took me into your home,
But only God knows how I feel when I lay by your side,
A stranger who is unknown…
Well maybe loneliness is a gift from God – for who is he, to whom joy is well conveyed?
Or maybe I am lost and loneliness is just my imaginary maze,
And you let me torture myself because we are both stuck in our own ways,
But how long can we forgive each other for the way that you and I behave?
It is this hollow which makes me raise my hands to the sky and cry,
“I beg you dear Lord, tell me when will I be satisfied?
When it’s not your absence but your presence that veils my eyes,
Yes I know he is only human, yet it feels like it’s You, who lives by my side,
But only death can bring us closer so I pray that I may die,
For if my love is near me, then why do I sit here in disguise?”
And should any of the above concern you Dear Sir,
Having read about my private thoughts and learnt about my craze,
Remember I do not share my secret rhymes, I share with you my prayers,
Should you wish to discuss anything further or to throw my love away…
I’ll still wish you ten thousand sleepless nights and uneasy days.
Ms Helplessly Confused and Dazed.